“Our light is never spent. / Is spent.” – Rae Armantrout, “Eyes”
You wonder what it is like to see beyond today, and into tomorrow. You wonder if the long long days that stretch before the end of summer are real, or if you have walked here before and these days are only the phantom shadows of what has come before. You were a six-year-old, you were a ten-year-old, you were seventeen and on your first date, you were twenty-five and had a baby who grew into a man of thirty before he was killed suddenly, terribly, and you thought you might get over it, but two years later you know that will not happen. And each day you try to see the slow changes between spring-summer-fall-winter so that you will know you are alive, you will know you can think and feel and laugh like anyone, even with the heart’s stone burden you carry to the end of your days.