Flying saucersDear Human Parent Representative,

Recently we found a child sitting on the old merry-go-round device at the Minneapolis Food Giant on NW Arrow Place and 24th Street NW.  The child was about a meter tall, with dark hair in a ponytail, blue denim pants with “Hello Kitty” emblem on the right front, white tee-shirt with pink, green and black graphic on the front.

As you can see from the enclosed satellite image, the merry-go-round device contains six rideable objects.  We have identified the objects as a giraffe, a rabbit or hare, a carousel-type horse, and Disney Winnie-the-Pooh and Tigger characters.  The sixth rideable object is unidentifiable by our experts, but our scientists have stated it may be described as a “green frog-Pinocchio with orange suit and black top hat.”  We apologize for any inaccuracy in this description, as the documentation from your culture is nonspecific for this object.

The child was sitting on the circular base of the merry-go-round, a  yellow metal disk platform to which the rideable objects were affixed.

Because the Food Giant is being liquidated, we found it necessary to remove the child from the site.  She is completely safe at a secure location.  However, the child has specific biological needs, such as food and water, love and human attention, which cannot be provided by the liquidation team.  Our supplies are limited and do not include human-compatible provisions.

The contract for liquidation of human-made structures on your planet does not provide for rescue of a child.  All personnel were to be evacuated from the planet prior to start of the liquidation period, one-half lunar month ago.  Our contract specified that no human personnel were to remain in occupation of the planet after the evacuation period, and penalties will be assessed for violating this clause of the contract.

As has been communicated comprehensively over all available broadcast media, including commercial networks, cell phone text messages, and the so-called “Internet,” liquidation of non-natural structures on the planet Earth is a critical first step in the reversal of carbon dioxide global warming for which we have been contracted.  Failure to comply with contract provisions will result in significant delays, and may jeopardize the successful completion of the project under contract.

Please contact us at your earliest convenience to claim the child for your species and to make arrangements for repatriation.  Be advised that the liquidation team is not responsible for costs or damages due to violations of the contract.

– Non-Terrestrial Team Alpha

Photo by Michelle Weber.

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